From the road again

So here I am, opening another chapter in the book of wonder. (You should watch Bjork's video I posted yesterday if you haven't done your homework on those yet).

I'm leaving Budapest this morning and although it's upsetting I feel like it's just another swerve on the strange sequence of my last few years. We're slowly approaching the brighter horizon and leaving the dark hours of the sleeping city behind. I passed the corners, the lights, the rain, and the blurry-eyed people on the metro. The dark face of the city only showed a few scars this time, as it always does when you see it at its hour of weakness - when sun doesn't shine yet and the coffees of the city haven't brewed long enough to shoo away its crooked expression.


I feel like this year will be a yet another year of changes. Change seems to follow me ever since I've left home behind and in the long run it seems to be the only constant in my little life. I'm going home for a few days before I make the bigger move back to London. I felt a tickle of happiness when I saw a little Polish flag and a familiar looking license plate. But today when it's so much easier to move, what is it that drives us to go home, stay home, or have a home period? Is it the longing for familiarity and belonging? Longing for the meaning we build around our states, objects, and people? It's amazing how deep the wiring for this goes. I always get so much pleasure out of speaking Polish to shop keepers and little people when I go home, but I'm not sure that this at all shows how much I belong. I feel ever more distance to the idea of belonging to any certain place year after year. I love going home, seeing people, and re-visiting memories, but I can never quite decide if it's more than a visiting place anymore. I feel more and more comfortable around people who share this confusion of space and decide to re-create themselves and their 'homes' outside their birth-place bracket; they have become a sort of a refuge for me. Maybe later on age will bring answers to these questions.